We Will Learn to Love Again
by madalyn.elaina
Summary: "Get it? Of course I fucking get it but you need to too. I didn't become your husband to become saddled with a baby before graduating medical school." Liquor loosened the tongue, it made him mean, and it made him a liar. Once he sobered up Jackson would weep with guilt and pain over his next words."
1. Moments

"There are four types of Osteogenesis Imperfecta ranging from a manageable disability to completely fatal." April could not believe her ears as she looked at Seattle Grace Mercy West's guest lecturer. Quoting a memory that was seared into her brain.

Hunt had told them it was someone that was worth listening to, someone who was the most promising young fellow in his field. April smiled sardonically at the man who had once held her hand as though he knew that what he really held was her heart.

" _Jackson," The dark skinned man introduced himself to the overwhelmed freshman. She felt the blood rush to her cheeks as she looked at the handsome young man in front of her. April fiddled with the books that she had just dropped in embarrassment. He smiled thinking that the redhead in front of him was cute. Jackson felt himself fall in that moment, not sure what to make of the butterflies in his stomach._

 _Surprising both of them she held out her hand for him to shake, "April Kepner, and I am so sorry for bumping into you, I was just trying to follow the map and i guess I got absorbed." She shrugged sheepishly and gestured to the map on top of her large stack of books. He thought she couldn't be more perfect if she tried._

" _I accept your apology April Kepner, and in an attempt to show you how chivalrous Harvard men can be, I would be pleased to walk you wherever it is you're going." April quirked an eyebrow at him, wondering why he was looking at her with what Harlequin would call 'Soft Eyes'. She nodded shyly and his answering grin was enough to take her breath away._

Jackson Avery continued to speak to the large collection of surgeons, "We all have a moment, a moment that inspires us to choose medicine, but what actually makes us Doctors is a series of moments. My wife and I were told this news when I was 24 years old. This was not the moment when I decided that I wanted to save lives, instead it was the moment that I had found comfort in my knowledge of medicine."

Her entire body burned as though it were on fire. April was sitting in front of the man who was using their story. He was using her story with an audacity that she had forgotten he possessed. Jackson was using the moment that broke her, as though it had actually broken him.

"It was one of the many moments that molded me into a doctor. This moment reaffirmed what medicine was for me, and what it could have been for my child. Being a loved one to a patient grants a perspective that at the time, I didn't appreciate," Jackson's eyes bore into every resident and attending in the room. April was grateful for the anonymity that being one of many had given her. Staying seated was the hardest thing she had to do , but rushing out in a frenzy would only draw his gaze to her.

" _Jackson it's our baby," April's sobs made the words garbled._

" _No April it's not our baby. Your 're the one who wanted to keep it. You're the one who has to choose whether or not it continues to die inside your body." His tone was cold, like ice against April's already frozen body._

" _Jackson you don't-"_

" _Get it? Of course I fucking get it but you need to too. I didn't become your husband to become saddled with a baby before graduating medical school." Liquor loosened the tongue, it made him mean, and it made him a liar. Once he sobered up Jackson would weep with guilt and pain over his next words._

" _I obviously only married you to get into your granny panties." April received the last of the barbs silently, not daring to speak, knowing that only wails would come out. Jackson shook his head, trying to find clarity in the fog. Angry, he left the house with no real destination. with no real thought about what he was leaving inside._

 _In the morning when he returned sober he found her clothes gone and a note on the table, 'He will be gone within the day, and may Samuel Avery's soul dwell amongst the angels by sundown. Don't try to find me. Love, April'._

"In light of the recent tragedy that has consumed your hospital, I encourage you to let this tragedy to become one of your moments. Use it in your career, let it help you become a better doctor. Let it mold you into a better healer." April so badly wanted to stand up and call bullshit, to call him a liar in front of hundreds of his 'esteemed peers'. She wanted to expose Jackson Avery as a fraud. He was using her son.

"Mend from this, do not let what Gary Clark did here-" April flinched as though she was again looking down the barrel of the gun pointed in between her eyeballs. It had been months but the fear was still there, the pain was still raw.

"Turn this place into a prison. Make this your sanctuary. I offer you all the full support of the Harper Avery Foundation, as the whole medical community continues to mourn for your hospital." The applause that broke out around was deafening, yet April could hear nothing above the sound of her own heart beating.

" _Do you Jackson Avery, take April Kepner, to be your lawful wedded wife," Jackson didn't hear a word the clerk said as he gazed upon his beautiful bride. Nothing could ever spoil that moment. Burned into his memory forever would be April Avery, in a simple sun dress, smiling as she heard him pledge his devotion to her._

" _Do you April Kepner, take Jackson Avery, to be your lawful wedded husband," As she said her vows there was no insecurity in her mind. There was no doubt of worthiness. The softness his eyes had held for her that first day had not been fleeting, It was steadfast and certain, and April knew that would never change as she promised herself to her groom._

A/N: Let me know xo


	2. What's in a Name?

A/N Thank you for the response!

April hadn't slept for 72 hours. She would lay down only to be swallowed by memories that she thought she had healed from. Seeing him at the hospital caused her to feel the wave of emotions that had been building up for the past seven years to come crashing down. After that first night she hadn't even tried to return home, she would kick back a redbull and offer to cover someone's on call shift.

April took a last nibble of a rice cake as her pager went off. she hadn't managed to stop her grimace. If her lack of sleep went any longer she would have to ask someone to sedate her, though it was more likely that she would just take some Nyquil. But right now sleep was a distant longing.

He was still there, and avoidance made her even more irritable. April would see him touring the hospital and would run the opposite direction before he could see her. She gave up good cases so he wouldn't wander into her gallery. The Jackson she remembered would love to watch a good surgery.

April told herself that this wasn't going to be a long term arrangement. She told herself that as soon as he had an idea of what they needed from the Foundation that he would be gone. She found it ironic that he was finally in the family business, the one that he once said, 'demeaned medicine'.

" _Avery." Jackson looked up from his book, he took a breath and took another sip of his latte, he had been waiting for a chance to tell her. He wanted to be honest with her, knew he needed to be if she were ever to accept his affection . "Your name is Jackson Avery."_

 _Jackson closed his eyes in frustration, "Ape, it doesn't matter what my last name is."_

" _How can you say that, I thought we were friends, I-" April flustered, her voice raising in pitch. Jackson cringed as he heard the tears in her voice. He stood up but made no move to comfort her._

" _Hey, no, no, no. Don't think like that." April didn't even hear his interruption._

" _I mean I know that I am just this brace faced redhead from Ohio, but God Jackson. I thought you were my friend. I guess that's on me. My only friend during my first term of college, and I didn't even know his last name. This one's on me." She backed up as his hand reached up to stroke her cheek. He let it drop._

 _April looked at Jackson with such disappointment, and it wasn't disappointment in him, it was disappointment in herself. Jackson felt like he was being punched in his gut. He was used to people looking at him like he was a screwup, but seeing her look like that, because she was mad at herself, he knew he couldn't let that stand._

" _I'm pretty. In my family, I'm the pretty one. My eyes and my smile, my body. I mean, you should see me without a shirt on. It's kinda ridiculous. But my family is smart, driven, and crazy over-achievers. And they look like they're smart. They don't look like me, which has its perks. Except that my family treated me like I was pretty. They expected nothing from me, ever. Never pushed me, never thought to. So I had to push myself. Hard."_

 _April heard the vulnerability in his tone, but he didn't stop there, he kept going, choosing to put it all out there, "No, I didn't tell you that I was an Avery, but that wasn't you. That was me, basking in the fact that to someone, I wasn't Harper Avery's mediocre grandson."_

" _And you see me April, not just the superficial stuff but me. Jackson, the guy who drinks way too much Mountain Dew and loves to binge watch 'I love Lucy' when he gets stressed. I guess I didn't want to lose that. I didn't want to lose the person who in 10 weeks, has managed to become the person who knows me better than anyone. Ten weeks April, and you are already the most important person." By then he was looking at April with such blatant adoration that it took her breath away._

 _Jackson waited for her to speak. Standing there in a campus coffee shop he waited for her to respond. For her to understand what he was telling her. April got it but her fear was nearly enough to suffocate her, she pushed it down. This man was choosing her, he was choosing Duckie. She couldn't contain the grin that came to her face, braces bared and all._

 _Jackson gave her an answering grin, it got even bigger at her next words, barely above a whisper. "I am going to fall in love with you."_

 _Jackson saw the nerves in her eyes. He knew time would reassure her, and he knew he would enjoy the chase, the romance. Jackson leaned forward and pressed his lips gently to her forehead, he answered her whisper with one of his own, "I'm counting on it."_

April felt lethargic as she made her way to the ambulance bay. She was barely on time in meeting the ambulance in the cold weather,"What do we have?"

"16 yr. old male, fell out his window and onto a bamboo stake in his backyard. It want straight through the lower left lobe of his lung." April nodded as they pulled him into the heat of the hospital.

"Page Doctor Altman to OR 2. He is critical." April struggled to remain unemotional as she struggled without an attending, eventually she was joined by Dr. Webber. Her hands rushed as she tried to keep up with the ever growing list of surgical steps. Richard kept a visual on the redhead.

After 15 minutes of being observed by the chief of surgery she looked up at him beseechingly, "You have this Kepner. Doctor Altman will be out of her meeting any minute now and you are doing fine on your own."

Hunt had told him that she had shown an aptitude for trauma. As he watched her he could see that Owen had been right. Kepner had steady hands, and at his words she looked like she had waged war with death. Though she looked like she might fall over at any moment, her work spoke for itself, Webber had made a grave mistake in underestimating Kepner.

When Teddy Altman finally joined her in the OR, she wasn't alone, behind her was April's husband.

April looked down immediately, refusing to make eye contact, barely containing her tears. She breathed and pushed through the shaking of her hands. She felt his gaze boring into her, and she felt naked in the room. took over, and April gave her brief answers to her questions on the patient's status.

If April looked at Jackson, she would have found a small smile and tears of relief in his eyes. Seeing her had nearly brought him to his knees. Under the pretense of observing the surgery he took the time to study his bride. She looked thin, she looked exhausted, and in a way she looked like she had seen a ghost. He was the ghost he thought grimly to himself.

Jackson decided that he had had enough of silence, "So Teddy, did you hear the one about the guy who invented the knock knock joke?" Dr. Altman glanced at him with a comical expression, April looked like she wished she could be anywhere else. She probably did. "He won the 'nobel' prize. Don't look at me like that, I'm in peds, and that is some grade A humor." Teddy shook her head comically.

Jackson was shocked as he heard April shout with laughter. She removed her hands from the patient as she laughed hysterically. Every doctor in the room heard the moment when her laughs turned into sobs. Jackson felt dangerously close to tears as well. As she struggled to catch her breath, April looked at her husband directly in the eye for the first time in nearly 8 years.

"Jackson?"

"Yes April?"

"I think that I am going to pass out." It was fact, and Jackson reached her just in time, holding her up with an extraordinary ease. He marveled at having her in his arms. There was a flurry of activity in the room, and Jackson noticed none of it. Allowing himself to be ushered into a private room, with the most precious of cargo in his arms.

 **A/N I love using direct quotes from the show. I think it adds tension! Have a great day y'all :)**


	3. Here Comes the Sun

"Morning Sleepy head." There was a smile in Lexie Grey's tone, and April blinked the blurriness out of her eyes.

"I want another Doctor." April's voice was still groggy as she spoke, and Lexi's grin faded quickly from her face.

"I-" April couldn't bring herself to feel remorseful. She wanted a quick discharge, and fought the urge to pull out he IVs.

"I know that you get a lot of enjoyment out of seeing me in distress, and that humiliating me makes you feel good . But Lexi, please grab somebody else. Preferably an attending. Actually grab anybody else, just get out of my face." April was near to tears as she was begging.

"Grey out," Chief Webber entered the room, with Teddy Altman and Jackson Avery at his heels

"Dr. Webber, I feel so much better-"

"Nope, you don't talk. Dr. Kepner. You're the patient. Dr. Altman, present." Webber scolded April, pointing at her, and barely held his comments about her lack of personal care.

"Dr. Webber likes to forget that I am an attending," She teased him, keeping her voice light she continued. "Kind of like how you forget to eat. And sleep."

April avoided looking at all of them, "Luckily, was able to catch you before we added head injury to the list. Dr. Sheppard did a preliminary check anyway, but aside from exhaustion and minor malnourishment , your fine."

"Then I can leave?"

" _When can we leave?" Jackson asked before they had even entered the house._

" _Jackson, you're the one who insisted on dinner-"_

" _I know, I know, but if you just so happen to get sick after appetizers, I wouldn't be mad."_

" _I'll keep that in mind," She knocked on the door before quickly, before she could lose her nerve. He snuck a kiss before they were ushered into the house by the Avery's ancient housekeeper._

" _You're late ," She said as she helped April with her coat without any warning." They just sat down."_

" _Come now , haven't you missed me?" He stole a kiss from the woman's cheek and proceeded to pull April down the hall._

" _That's Mary, she's been here as long as I can remember." April nodded, she felt overwhelmed. Jackson never flaunted his wealth, downplaying it, especially once he learned about her scholarship status._

 _April breathed deeply as he lead her around the corner and into the dining room. She sent up a brief prayer and braced herself to meeting the man she loves family._

 _Jackson's mother was regal, and April felt that her smile was forced. With manners her Grandmother would cry with joy over, she attempted to make conversation. "You have a lovely home ."_

" _Thank you dear, It was a wedding gift. More Jackson's fathers taste than mine, but it does it's job I suppose." April had no clue what to say to that, and kept her mouth shut as Jackson pulled out a chair for her._

" _Where is Harper?"Jackson broke the brief silence between them._

" _He was called away, it's just going to be the three of us tonight." April felt her heart sink. Maybe she would get sick during appetizers, but then Dr. Avery might think that she is pregnant, which she wasn't. She was as 'not pregnant' as someone could get. April turned red, embarrassed at the direction her thoughts went._

 _Jackson made painful small talk with his mother. He usually made the point to remain silent at family functions, but he wanted to take the heat off of his looked beautiful tonight, her hair was swept up, her face free of make up. On their first date April tried wearing it, she bought makeup, and put on blue eyeshadow for the first time in her life. When Jackson picked her up she was in tears and wouldn't let him open the door. He managed to talk her out, and talked her into washing her face, telling her she didn't need it. Recalling it made him smile._

 _Catherine abruptly turned the conversation towards April, "So where are you from dear?"_

" _Moline, Ohio, it's about two hours from,"_

" _And what's your GPA?"_

" _I have a 3.9 at the moment," Catherine looked at her skeptically._

" _What do your parents do?"_

 _Aprils heart sank, she had no desire to admit she was a lowly farm girl, "My mother is a teacher and my father is a farmer."_

" _Can I get you a glass of wine?"_

" _No thank you," April was shocked that she was offered alcohol._

" _Jackson, can drive you home tonight, have a glass." Catherine pushed._

" _I would rather not, I know it's not a problem in your own home but," April was cut off by Catherine's hysterical laughter. "Are you alright Dr. Avery?"_

" _April honey, you would laugh too if you knew my son. Jackson she is just a baby!" Jackson and April tensed at her words._

" _Mom!" Jackson's voice became sharp in defense of a April._

" _Just how old is she Jackson? I know you Avery men like em' young, but this just takes the cake. 23 is too old for you to be screwing around" Dr. Avery continued her brutal assault._

" _And you have the audacity, to bring her into my home as though she actually is more than just a common dalliance who wants to capitalize on your name. End it Jackson."_

" _Excuse me," April made a move to leave the room._

 _Jackson reached out to grab her hand, effectively stopping her from bolting, "Mom, stop it."_

 _Catherine put her hand out, "Jackson I am sure she is lovely-"_

" _She is mom. She is lovely, and if you would take the time to get to know her, then you would see that." Catherine was about to continue, but Jackson knew this was it. He was putting it all out there. His mom was so disconnected from him, and he wasn't about to let a stranger come between him and the love of his life._

" _No, I am talking. You're listening. You always talk about how you are a pioneer of women in medicine, yet you are being the biggest hypocrite right now. April, she's the one. I don't care that she is 18, I don't care that she has braces, and I don't care that she wants to wait to have sex until we get married."_

" _Jackson," April was beet red as she tried to cut him off._

" _Sorry babe, but she needs to know, that your it. I love her mom, she matters more than anything. More than medicine, and more than you. That's why we wanted to come tonight, to show you that. And seeing, as you refuse to give April a chance, we will be leaving." They were silent as Jackson pulled her out of the room and to the car._

 _The car ride back to April's dorm was tense. When they pulled up Jackson turned to her, "I am so sorry April, I didn't know she would react like that."_

 _The silence that followed caused panic to build up in Jackson, the only sound in the car an old Beatle's Song. Before Jacksons panic could overwhelm him, April raised her hand to his cheek. April took a breath, and Jackson knew real fear, "You told your mom that I am a virgin."_

 _A surprised laugh bursted through Jackson's lips, he looked only slightly apologetic. She joined him with feminine giggles._

 _April went silent, and looked at Jackson with adoration, "You also told her that you love me."_

 _Jacksons gaze turned jokingly thoughtful, "I guess, I did."_

" _Will you say it again," Jackson smiled at the hesitance in her tone, and said the words quickly and with confidence._

" _I love you too," Was barely out of her mouth before Jackson kissed her._

Jackson could help but wonder about her sanity, " you just slept for 48 hours. You're staying admitted for at least one more day."

"I wasn't asking you Jackson." April snapped embarrassed that he was seeing her like this. She always thought that at the time they saw each other again, that she would be strong. April knew it would happen, she had just hoped that it would wait until she was a board certified surgeon.

"I'm not accusing you of anything April, I just, I mean. April you're 10 lbs. lighter than you were the last time I saw you." Teddy and Richard were confused relieved to have become invisible as the exchange went on.

"You haven't seen me in-"

"8 years, in March, how have you been? I noticed that your braces are gone" He said it casually hoping that she would take the bait and give him something.

April shut her eyes as if in pain, "I don't want to do this Jackson." She felt his hand on his cheek. "Jackson don't make me do this." He put his arms around her as she pleaded. She was warm against him and he was thrilled that she hadn't pulled away.

"April, it's going to be okay-"

"No! Jackson it's not going to be okay," He flinched at the tears in her voice, the other doctors standing in shocked still in shocked silence.

"Because you're here, and I hate you. But I don't hate you, and Samuel's dead and Reid is dead and I feel dead, and I don't hate you. You're here and everyone else is gone and I cannot bring myself to hate you. Don't make me do this. Please don't make me do this" _Don't make me feel._ But it was Jackson.

Jackson rocked his sobbing wife in his arms, he hummed to her. Teddy felt that she was intruding on a private moment as he began to sing quietly into her ear, "Here comes the sun do-a-do-a, it's alright" His voice was breaking yet he continued his whisper song, calming their coworker.

Teddy nudged Webber and together they left the room thinking they were giving them privacy. They had no a clue that they were really leaving them to share in their grief for the first time.

 _Little darling, It's been a long and lonely winter._

A/N: Jackson may seem a little bit OCC, I am just trying ampliphy his regular characteristics by a million. The past parts could get intense with his ire. If you folks have any ideas, let me know! Thank you for reviewing, I hope i answered some of your questions :)


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